”
Being broken doesn’t mean we have to live shattered lives.
We merely have to take our broken pieces and gingerly mend them together a day at a time.
Although, the pieces may not come together seamlessly, our hearts will certainly heal beautifully.
And what’s left?
A magnificent, whole and happy you. ”
Written by: Francoise M.
Remember the days when, as kids, we used to hang out at our favored local record store right after school?! Where you can go and actually smell the vinyl, pull the records out of their plastic sleeves and ask the D.J. to play it for you. Like we used to say, “Membah?!” There’s nothing like the smell of vinyl and listening to the needle drop, hearing the slight static before Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror played in the background. Yup…those were the 90s! Those were definitely the days.
For my brother and I, there was one particular record store we’ve truly enjoyed going to as kids. Jose, the owner, was an outstanding human being. He would allow us to stay at his store until my mother picked us up after work. As a single mom, she entrusted a few people to watch over us and Jose was one of them. I remember him to be a very thoughtful, gentle, humble, welcoming, and hardworking man. A smile was always displayed on his face as he stood at the entryway of his store watching us both as we walked up the block.
I recall entering the store, and on the right hand side, glistening glass display cases greeted you. The cabinets were stocked with new music tapes that were most popular at the time. Poor Jose; I can just envision him wiping the countertops with Windex until they sparkled as rays of sunshine gleamed over them. It was only a matter of time until us rug rats entered and covered them with our greasy and dirty fingerprints (my apologies, Jose!) Our faces would get so close to the countertops that our breath would fog up the glass.
My brother and I had fond memories of that place. It was the record store everyone from the neighborhood would flock to and have chatty conversations with Jose. There were very few male figures that have made an optimistic and influential impact in my brother’s life and Mr. Jose was undoubtedly one of them to him. To me as well.
It was that record store that many kids ran to and who knows what troubles they’ve avoided simply by spending time at the record store. Jose could’ve shooed us kids away but he chose to take that opportunity to impart nothing but goodness and show us great principles in our lives; in the souls’ that entered his store. That record store was planted at a perfect time when the kids of our generation needed guidance from people like Mr. Jose. Hhhhmmmm….I wonder if he knows the impact he had on us and the neighborhood?
As I ruminate about the ‘record store’ days, I say to myself how graced and blessed we were to have had such great and genuine people around us and in our lives. Really! What a blessing!
So, as I end this blog, I want to give a shout-out to Jose. I thank you for the amazing influence you have been to me, my brother and to our fellow neighbors in Sunset Park! Thank you for being a true beacon in our time of growing up! I tip my hat to you as there are no words to express the gratitude we have for you and yours. Here’s to your record store days!
In memory of the record store….
Written by: Francoise M.
Words from the wise:“Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” ― Robert F. Kennedy
“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
“Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren’t any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life’s challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all the changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person. ” ― R. Buckminster Fuller
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.” ― Edward Everett Hale
“Remember, life’s experiences not only defines us, it also refines us. And what we have left from those refining moments are the people we are today.”
Written by: Francoise M.
Here we are again. Yet another year has passed by; a year without you in my life.
Today’s bittersweet my love. Tidal waves of joy and sadness flood my heart.
Wish you were here sweet baby girl.
You would’ve been five. Can you believe that? I remember as if it were just yesterday when you and I gazed in each other’s eyes.
So much has happened since you’ve been gone. Your brother and I always celebrate your birthday and sing you birthday songs.
He says, “Mirah is home with Jesus. Mirah’s in heaven.” Yes, you are my sweet princess. You are home where you belong.
Didn’t know that your time here wouldn’t be that long.
Not a moment goes by when I don’t think of you and what could’ve been.
Your time here was short-lived but one that will never be forgotten.
I wanted so much to have braided your hair and read you princess bedtime stories.
I would’ve loved to be the one to wipe away the tears when you found yourself hurting.
I love you sweet baby girl. I love you so much and forever will.
March 4th will endlessly bring me much joy but the pain for me is still very real.
Although, you’re not here, where I’d prefer you to be, I know that you’re with our ‘Daddy’.
I know He is taking wonderful care of you and reading you princess stories in lieu of me.
Now, it’s me I find myself in tears. Wishing and crying that you were here.
Mama, I’m here. I know you want me there where you are but know that you, too, are in my heart, mama.
Until we meet again, know that I love you immensely and I undoubtedly feel that you’re near.
Happy birthday my sweet baby girl and my princess.
I’m honored to be your and your brother’s mother and nothing else means more to me than this.
This is my conversation with my daughter…
In loving memory of Amirah. Love you baby girl!
Written by: Francoise M.
Bible Scripture: 2 Samuel 12:23 “…Someday I will go to him, but he cannot come back to me.”
Words from the wise:
And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Khalil Gibran
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Khalil Gibran
It’s hard for me to forgive him. You just don’t understand; what she did to me is unpardonable. I want him to experience all of the pain I went through. I’m not going to forgive them. I refuse to! If I do, then they’ll think that I’m weak and they’ll use my forgiveness to hurt me again and they’ll think it’s okay. It’s not okay! I’m not okay! I’m so angry that I feel I can’t breathe.
These words are some words that have been fostered and festered in a wounded and shattered heart. I know that we (you the reader as well) all have unforgiveness towards someone or even many people for that matter. I’ll admit it. I CERTAINLY HAVE UNFORGIVENESS ISSUES TOWARDS PEOPLE. But I can tell you this…UNFORGIVENESS IS POISONOUS TO THE HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND SPIRIT. IT’S TOXIC TO ONE’S LIFE AND BODY. There is absolutely no way that we can be wholly content, healthy and at peace with ourselves when we have this venomous emotion eating away at our hearts. Listen to me mi gente, unforgiveness extinguishes the love and peace we are supposed to experience and abolishes relationships that we are in need of. Eventually, no one will want to be around someone that reeks of this life-eating stench called unforgiveness. Then we question why we find ourselves all alone. Is that how you want to live? Living a life full of pain, anger, envy, resentment, bitterness, discord, unhappiness, which will ultimately leave you feeling physically and emotionally sick? Is that how you’re supposed to live? No!
Mira (look), it’s normal to be angry. We, in fact, are what you call human people! We are not robots. At least not yet. Hahaha! Seriously, from my personal experience, it is truly the pits to live a life enwrapped of wretchedness and wallowing in this garbage. I’ve been there and I still find myself battling with unforgiveness. I have learned that when we forgive, and it’s flippin’ difficult to do most of the times, it doesn’t mean that it makes the person or the person’s actions’ right, it merely releases us and our emotions from that negative bondage we have tied ourselves with that person and experience. It also allows us to experience true freedom, peace and contentment. Does that make sense? And it also doesn’t mean that you still have to have a relationship with that person. You can forgive but keep those that hurt you at a distance and/or don’t have anything to do with them at all. It’s entirely up to you. If you decide to forgive and reestablish a relationship with that person(s), even better! Just allow time to heal you and the relationship(s).
The art of letting go is not something that comes naturally and/or easily for us. This takes chutzpah on one’s part! However, the power of letting go is something that we have to muster up the strength for, realize that it’s intoxicating to our lives and those in our lives and finally make the decision to set ourselves free from unforgiveness. Does it hurt? Heck yeah! The pain’s real, the wounding and painful memories are still raw, your heart aches, the tears don’t cease, it feels like you are unable to breathe and you also feel like the life is being sucked out of you. Yes, I totally get it. You also may want that other person(s) to make an apology. How you won’t forgive until they apologize. The truth is this. What if they don’t apologize? Then what? Are you still going to welter in this misery? Allowing years and years to pass by and then wishing, when your 80 years old, that you can turn back time and do things over again? Do you really want to do that to yourself? REALITY CHECK: There will be times when people won’t apologize for their actions. We have to come to a place and say to ourselves, “Oh flip it! You know what God, I leave those fools in your hands. I’m too tired. I’m jaded by all of this nonsense. Please help me learn and give me the strength to let this go, forgive and continue living my life the best I can!”
You are worth too much to be living a life like this; a life full of dark, draining, life-sapping, tiring and unhealthy emotions. We are created to live life in which we can laugh until we pee our pants, love as if our hearts feel like they’re going to explode and be truly content. It’s not to say that we won’t experience pain, loss, and disappointments, etc., it’s how we deal with those issues that determine our fate and how we are going to live our lives. Capisce?!
Remember, the power of letting go is something that we have to muster up the strength for. And mi gente, you are stronger than you think you are and you can do this!
Until then, know that you’re in my prayers.
Written by: Francoise M.
Words from the wise:
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi
We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Many times, the decisions we make affect and hurt your closest friends and family the most. I have a lot of regrets in that regard. But God has forgiven me, which I am very thankful for. It has enabled me to forgive myself and move forward one day at a time. Lex Luger
Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury. Edwin Hubbel Chapin
Allí está ella; de pie fuerte y alto.
Bellamente vestida todo en rojo
ese es mi flamboyán tan hermoso.
El sonido tan bello.
Canta toda la noche,
“La tierra de Borinquien
donde he nacido yo,
es un jardín florido
de mágico fulgor” (Lyrics: Manuel Fernández Juncos 1846-1928)
Nací aquí. Yo soy el coqui. Coqui…coqui!
Con arena en mis pies y
el sonido de las olas rompiendo.
Las olas cantan,
“Es Borinquén la hija,
la hija del mar y el sol…” (Lyrics: Manuel Fernández Juncos 1846-1928)
Ese es mi playa, mi isla y mi corazón!
Tengo mil sabores pero los sabores mio son
de mango, guayaba, tamarindo y quenepa.
Soy raza de mil colores.
Soy blanco, soy negro, y soy indio.
Mi tierra, mi islita, ha sufrido mil dolores.
Pero soy orgullosa de ser Puertorriquena para que tu lo sepas!
Mi bandera, ay que bella es mi bandera.
Rojo, blanco y azul.
Realmente no hay nadie como tú!
Te llevo en mi corazón y en mi alma.
Tu eres mi Puerto Rico, mi isla y siempre será mi tierra!
Te amo Puerto Rico
Te adoro mi isla bella
Written by: Francoise M.
Like a deer caught in headlights, I stare intently at my blank white screen while the cursor flashes as if it’s reminding me to start typing. I always do this to myself. Why is it so difficult for me to type the words and just allow my story to unfold on the screen? I lightly tap on my keyboard. Tap…tap…tap. Focus…focus. I can do this…I know I can.
No, it’s not writer’s block. I already have the story, one of many, intricately fashioned in my head but it’s not that that’s prohibiting me from letting loose on my keyboard. Of course, I want to just let me fingers dance across the keyboard but there’s a monster that unremittingly beckons me every time I sit down and want to put these life-changing words on paper. Everyone has a monster of some sort, right? I’ll tell you what mine is….
FEAR MI GENTE!!!
People that know me quite well absolutely know that I have a passion for writing and they say how I should most unquestionably do something with my talent. Although, I very much appreciate their encouragement, and flush every time people express how they enjoy my writings, it’s my fear that gets in the way. “A fear of what, though?”, you may ask. It was a fear of rejection, a fear of not being “good enough” as a writer, a fear of how people will react and will say and a fear of merely putting myself out there and unveiling my soul to the world. But I’ve realized that that’s just it! What good are my stories if they are basically stored in my laptop and I don’t share with them with the world?! Many of my stories are particularly personal and many of them are merely created by real-life experiences by others that I come across to in my life.
When I write screenplays and they are brought to life onstage in churches, or when I write in my blog or share my work with people, something remarkable happens to my soul. I get this surge of adrenaline and satisfaction knowing that I’m doing something real good; something good in someone else’s soul. Do you get me? My heart is outright moved when someone pulls me to the side and tells me, through glassy eyes, how much my sketch impacted their life in such a profound way. My soul is gripped when a person shares their story with me and tells me that the piece I wrote gave them hope in a way they haven’t felt in years.
I can’t let my monster of fear paralyze me to the point that I become completely numb to this God-given talent that I was endowed with. I must doing something with it and that’s sharing these fruitful, healing, powerful and heartening words to people that need it the most. My laptop doesn’t need it; YOU GUYS DO!!!!
So, when your monster calls, when my monster calls, we have to fight the urge to cave in and not allow it to suffocate us. We all have monsters. Some are big and some are small but we all have them. Whatever your monster is whether it be fear, addiction, depression, what have you, don’t allow him to whisper in your ear saying that you’re not good enough. There’s a reason why he has to manifest himself in ways that will try to take us down. We are strong and we were undoubtedly built much stronger than we think we are. We have to give ourselves more credit and believe that we can do anything we set our powerful minds and hearts to.
We are here for a divine purpose. Again, no matter what your faith is, you were designed with a purpose in mind and for a purpose in life!
Written by: Francoise M.
From the movie: “A Monster Calls”. A novel by: Patrick Ness
Yes, for many of us, the New Year is another year of starting over and making things new and just looking forward to all of the great and exhilarating things we have planned ahead. But there are also many of those who don’t look forward to what the new year brings. Some people are just trying to pick up the pieces of the brokenness that was left behind last year.
It may be a loss of a loved one, a loss of a marriage, a loss of health, a loss of finances, a loss of hope and the list goes on mi gente. So, when you say or hear the words, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”, do you cower at the words and what the future looks like or do you really feel like it’s going to be a magnificent year? Wherever it is you find yourself at this precise moment, let me just express to you that you’re going to be more than okay. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and breathe my friend. Yes, I’m talking to the ones that have experienced so much pain and loss and heartache. It’s going to be okay. It might take a long time for you to gather your pieces of brokenness but when you slowly collect them all and put your life back together, you will look back and say to yourself, “I made it another year and all is well with my soul. I can do this!”
And for those that had an amazing and successful year last year and you’re off to another adventurous and thrilling year, I ask of you to be the light for those who can’t seem to get a glimpse of sunlight . I’m asking you to provide solace to those that are finding it difficult to cope at this moment. I’m asking you to give hope to those that feel they have absolutely no purpose here on this beautiful earth we were all graced with.
You see, a year of new beginnings should be a year where we, not only focus on ourselves, but rather focus on everything and everyone around us. Focus on doing good for others and making such an immense and spectacular difference in other people’s lives. Our happiness, joy and love should be infectious! Our purpose here on this earth should be so dynamic that others are touched and transformed in mighty ways. That’s how we should start the new year of 2017 mi gente!
Yes, it’s another year of new beginnings but also another year where we’re able to live and enjoy this thing called “LIFE”. Enjoy your life! Don’t let your sorrows, hurts or plights dictate your life. Allow these moments to teach you and to make you a better person. Until then, know that you are all in my prayers.
Feliz año nuevo mi gente! Happy New Year!
Written by: Francoise M.
Words from the wise:
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” By: Neil Gaiman
“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” By: Benjamin Franklin
The doors opened and I walked right in to the ‘N’ train. I shoved myself through a crowd of people and leaned against one of the standing poles. Hhhhmmmm….what am I going to make for dinner tonight? Mind you that it’s about 8:15 in the morning and yep, I’m already thinking about dinner. My three-year old puts an immense amount of pressure on me when it comes to his meals. He has a very ‘selective’ palate. Honestly, I wish I could just grab a pizza, toss some salad and say, “It’s dinner time!”, and he’ll just gleam with joy. Nope, not my kid. He likes what he likes and these days, it’s not much. LOL! But anyways, where was I?
Oh right…I’m in the train and holding on to the pole when suddenly this young couple enters and, of course, stands right in front of me. The young lad grabbed his woman and pulls her right against his chest. I don’t want to be rude and stare at them so, I take out my IPod, of course, and scroll down to Lenny Kravitz. I touch on the song “Again”, don on my shades and pretend that I’m looking at one of the advertisement ads when, in fact, I’m actually staring at this young couple. I know…I know. I know what you’re thinking but just bear with me for a sec. Sheesh.
I really don’t want to stare at them but I can’t help but admire the love and affection they had for each other. Man, when was the last time someone looked at me like that?! I’m not even going to go there people. He takes a lock of hair and gently places it behind her ear. He kisses her left cheek and they hold each other’s gaze for what seemed like hours. She looks down and slowly and flirtatiously looks back at him. She looks at him with such fondness and regard and she softly kisses his lips. Awwwwwkwaaaaard. Now, my ride’s about a forty-five minute ride so, just imagine me witnessing this. It’s like watching a novella!
It’s truly astounding to see two people deeply and madly in love. Really, it is. After watching this cute couple drool over each other, I felt kind of convicted. Like I’ve mentioned above, when was the last time someone looked at me like that?! Well, the truth of the matter is this mi gente; people look at us like that every single day. Love is ALWAYS staring right at us….every single day! By whom?
My son who stares at me with such admiration and love.
The homeless person that you kindly gave money or food to.
The battered woman you’ve helped just by calling 911.
The elderly man you’ve volunteered to visit, in the nursing home, just to keep him some company.
The little girl you just served food to at the soup kitchen.
The handicapped person you bought groceries for.
The woman you gave an encouraging word to when she was having an extremely difficult day.
The mother who thought would never hear from her son but was surprised when he showed up at her apartment door.
Love stares right at us all of the time! These are expressions of LOVE. Whether you realize it or not, these people look at us with such love when we do heartfelt and selfless things. When we take the time to show that we care, when we genuinely display that we love people unconditionally, and let them know that they do matter.
Look, I might not have a man by my side, I might feel like a lonely queen without her king at times but I can tell you this. I do have my God, I have my precious son, I have my family and friends that I can say that love me tremendously and look at me with love and veneration. That, mi gente, is the best love one can receive! I’m the most richest and content person on earth because I am loved by amazing people who God has so graciously placed in my temporary life!!!
So, the next time you say to yourself, “Man, I wish I was loved like that”, just remember that you indeed are loved by not just one person but by many people. It’s staring right at you; you just have to open your heart, see it, and feel it for yourself.
Non-fiction Written by: Francoise M.
Quote: “And remember, as it was written, to love another person is to see the face of God.” — Les Miserables
And I’m not talking about your food people! I invite you to get close. Get a little closer…a little bit more. There ya go…pssstt…I’m talking about your ‘scraps of life’. We all have them. What is it that we do with them? Many of us, unfortunately, literally throw them away. We don’t realized the incredible things we can do with our scraps.
Mi gente, we all have our share of loss, heartaches, heartbreaks and disappointments. We all go through moments of despair, hopelessness, and desperation. We crave to feel accepted, we thirst to be and feel loved. We find ourselves deprived and starved of these vital things that make us human and we sluggishly collect all of our scraps and want to quickly dispose of them. Don’t throw them away people!
At 40, I’m just learning how to ‘scrapbook’ my life’s experiences’. My scraps of life.
Scrapbook definition: Noun 1. A book of blank pages for sticking clippings, drawings, or pictures in.
I’m sticking all of my worst clippings, my most beautiful drawings and remarkable pictures in my scrapbook! The good, the bad and all of the ugly. I’m sticking them ALL in my scrapbook! Why? Because our life’s experiences is what makes us the people that we are. Caution though. Don’t allow all of your pain, suffering and all of your woes turn you into an unhappy, unfulfilled and lost person. Don’t allow them to define you. Allow these painful and scarring moments to help you turn into a resilient person. An audacious person. A valiant person. A vibrant person. A satisfied person. A grateful person. Be the person you were destined and created to be, which is blessed, whole and blissful mi gente!
It’s imperative that we don’t trash our scraps but take them, examine them, and learn from them. Take all of it, the worst of it, the best of it and create your own wondrous collage that you are proud of no matter what you’ve trudged through, no matter what fires you had to walk through, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter how scarred you are (scars do heal), no matter what you’ve and who you’ve lost along the way (God will bless you double fold). Leave a legacy behind that you are proud of. One that people can say, “Wow…that was a true soldier! I’ve been graced to have known her/him and to have been a part of her/his life.” Because when we’re done scrap-booking, what you have left is an awe-inspiring collage of your best work, which is called your life!
So, don’t throw out your scraps and DON’T RESENT them either. You’ll soon find out that these scraps is what makes us exquisitely unique if we allow them to.
Written by: Francoise M.
Words from the wise:
The spiritual life is not a life before, after, or beyond our everyday existence. No, the spiritual life can only be real when it is lived in the midst of the pains and joys of the here and now. By: Henri Nouwen
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